in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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