so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
