Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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