i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
