As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
