He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
