you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
