Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
