So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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