You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
