the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
