So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
