he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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