The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i think i have herpe
just one?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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