Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
