I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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