wanna go halves on a baby?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
