I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
