We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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