Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
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