so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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