piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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