i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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