he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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