Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
