What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
