I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
