I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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