Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
