Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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