I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I need water and some morals
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
