It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
