And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
