omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
