you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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