why didn't you poke me back
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
