I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
