That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
