And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
