apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
