He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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