My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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