I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
