So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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