I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
