Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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