But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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