Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
