ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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