Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
