Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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